A published author, public speaker, and a YouTuber, Zizo Apleni has been a motivation for many rape victims as she speaks freely and fearlessly about her past where she was raped and impregnated by her biological father when she was thirteen years old, and how she managed to get through that and finally forgive her father.
Living in a home where a father is sexually abusive towards his seven-year-old daughter is a reality That Zizo Apleni had to face. Zizo’s father, who cannot be named in this article due to his unavailability to give consent raped his daughter in the year 2001 when she was just seven years old doing her first grade in Komga junior school. Zizo was abused sexually by her father until she turned thirteen in the year 2007 and she fell pregnant that year. “I could not talk to anybody about it as I did not understand what my father was doing to me because I was young” Zizo said.
Zizo grew up in iDutywa, being raised by her grandmother until her father requested that she moves to Umtata with him for better schools and would rape her each time her stepmother was not home. Zizo’s biological mother noticed changes in Zizo’s physical appearance as she had lost weight within the first year of living with her father and had her enrolled into a school in Komga. The rape incidents continued even after Zizo had been enrolled into Komga junior school and would visit her father between long weekends and school holidays. “I visited my father sometimes and that’s when the raping would still happen” Zizo said.
Zizo’s inability to talk to anybody about what was being done to her by her father could have been influenced by other factors besides her being young and not knowing that her father was abusing her sexually. The topic of rape is still taboo in many circles (Sgroi, 1978) and therefore she could have easily been silenced by the first person she trusted enough to talk to about her being raped by her father because the story is too close to home. Zizo’s pureness and innocence are what got her the freedom she received from her father as he was trialed and convicted after the story of him raping her had come out.
After learning of the danger of falling pregnant as a teenager and the kind of abuse she was suffering because of her father, Zizo said she remembers the got home and told her father what their hostel master had told them he threatened her and said if she ever told anybody about what was happening between them nobody would love young Zizo anymore and that she would be an outcast.
The published Zizo recounts the time when she realized that what her father was doing to her was wrong, “It was at the time our landlady of the house I boarded in told us stories of what happens when girls get involved in sexual activities with boys and that is when I realized this is actually what my father is doing to me” she said.
The big step Zizo’s mother was to not keep what had happened to her daughter as part of the many family secrets that are kept in many families while children are being harmed by adult family members and as a result Zizo’s father was convicted for rape. This act was avoiding what Burgess and Groth describe as denying a victim effective intervention when crimes such as raping of a minor are not reported (Burgess & Groth, 1978).
Later in her life Zizo came to know that she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and depression and these according to American psychiatric association can cause a person to suffer from what is known as borderline personality disorder where a person cannot stand or sustain inter-personal relationships and is caused by various reasons including sexual abuse (American Psychiatric Association , 2013). After realizing that her experience was affecting her mental health and romantic relationships, Zizo decided to finally face her father and start a journey of forgiveness as she felt it was what was holding her back and she has gone on to say that her faith in God is what got her through and made her even stronger.
After getting her freedom from the clutches of her past, Zizo has published her own book titled My father took away my innocence and has done public and motivational speaking in many events and in local schools around East London. She said the inspiration behind writing the book was to empower other rape survivors and let them know that it is possible to move past their experiences and come out stronger. Copies of Zizo’s book are currently being given out to pupils in schools and she said young girls who come up to her say they really feel she is making a positive impact in their lives.
Gender based violence is an act that seems to have been around for a long time within communities, and as reports on the news show, this act has not ceased but instead it continues to haunt many. Human rights’ months or days have not proven to change anything to better communities or cease different kinds of abuse on women and children. As the youth month commemorates the brave acts of young South Africans who took to the streets to demand better education, molestation of children and other forms of abuse are on the rise in the country and the public may soon need to take steps towards ensuring a safer and better country for children. According to crime statistics released by the South African police Services for the fourth quarter, sexual offense cases have gone down by -19.0% as compared to the year 2017 where rape cases that were reported were 71 and by March 2021 51 cases were reported.
Victor Phemba 